“Disciple-makers are first of all disciples. They are ordinary people like my mum and dad. My mum was a disciple of Jesus, carefully disguised as a care home assistant. My dad, a caretaker at a primary school.”
Jim Brown, Chris Agnew and Peter Munce kick off our first round table of season 2. With Andy Lamberton and Stephen Mullan.
I wonder sometimes if those who have figured out algorithms will have a bigger influence on our children than those who have figured out life. But not when I see fathers and mothers being intentional.
Men, we need to take, with intentionality, our role to be disciple makers in the home. Our children need us to step up, and anyway, what a joy to introduce those we love to life in all its fullness.
We’re cheering you on!
Challenge
This episode finishes by asking: what do you want your children to know by age 18?
That God loves them deeply?
That home is somewhere they can always return to?
That they know others in the body of Christ?
Could you write down (with your wife/family) 5 things you would like your children to know before they turn 18?
*****
We’re taking suggestions for season 3 – What topics do you think we need to cover to help us fathers disciple our children well? send me an email – andy@legacyfathers.org
Andy Lamberton is the director of Legacy. He goes to the same church his parents, grandparents and great-grandparents went to. Married to Debbie, they are raising their four children in Donegal with ice-pops for dessert most days. Author of Letters for Exiles: Faithful Living in a Faithless World.
“The next twenty years will be marked by confusion. The greatest gift we can give our children is clarity.”
Join co-hosts Andy Lamberton and Stephen Mullan as they chat with Pete Wright from Growing Young Disciples about Raising Kids for Christ in a Confusion World.
We need deep fathers. Men who are capable of making wise decisions for and with their children because they understand the ways of Jesus wholeheartedly and can see through the world’s lies. We need to be fathers who help our children navigate this confusing age.
There is a list of men who join David in 1st Chronicles 12, some from Issachar – “men who understood the times and knew what Israel should do”. Here we have men who understand their cultural moment and, because of this, know what direction they should go. I pray the same will be said of us.
The next twenty years will be marked by confusion. The greatest gift we can give our children is clarity.
On the final episode of this first season of the Legacy Podcast, we are joined by Pete Wright from Growing Young Disciples to talk about Raising Kids for Christ in a Confusing World. One way Pete mentions we can give clarity to our children is to use some catechesis, and so in a unique approach to writing an article, I (Andy Lamberton) document my real-time thought process, considering if I should do catechisms with my children.
If you, like me find that a bit stuffy, you’ll find this article interesting.
Should I do Catechisms with my children? And what even does that look like?
When deciding on anything, you first work out your questions. Here are mine: what is a catechism? Am I biased in my opinion? What benefits do I see? How could we fit it into our family life? What do I need to start?
What is a Catechism?
A catechism is a teaching tool using questions and answers. The questions trigger memory; the answers reinforce truth. It is a conversational way of learning. The goal is to ‘learn by heart’; we educate the mind and in time, hope these truths enter our hearts, become the way we view the world, love our neighbours and follow Jesus.
Am I biased in my opinion of Catechisms?
When I was 9, my Sunday school teacher said. “We’re not going to learn the old-fashioned catechisms. We’re going to learn memory verses because God’s Word is better than old catechisms”. This sentence has formed my understanding of what a catechism is—an old thing.
On top of this, I find it a bit stuffy…
If you know me, you’ll know I love Jesus. But I’m someone whose understanding is catching up with my experience. God has acted in my life. Spoken and restored. Called and guided. Loved and challenged. Transformed and invited. It is often after God has been at work in my life that I begin to understand what He is doing. I then see Him in richer definition. My life has been the joy of discovering God.
So the idea of teaching my children theology about God before they’ve discovered him themselves doesn’t come natural to me. It isn’t in tune with my testimony. And I wonder, if I choose to do catechisms with my children, will it take all the joy out of their journey? I’m scared of making them into Christians who know their right all the time. Yuck!
What’s your leaning?
Are you drawn to using a Catechism to nurture faith, or is this far from your mind? Maybe you would even find all that stuff hard to read; maybe your children would not engage; maybe you think the church should be doing all that jazz. And sure isn’t a wee episode of Bluey before bed easier – and you get cuddles!
However, after talking to Pete, I am going to try doing catechisms with my children. His reasons were compelling. I’m willing to change. I think I need to. Here’s why…
What benefits do I see?
Our children, as Bible-believing Christians, will be a minority in Ireland, so they, more than I, will need to understand early how the Christian faith fits together.
Tim Keller says teaching children catechisms is like giving them buckets which can be filled throughout their life. I like that. A framework for understanding; a spade to dig deep; a wile heap of big buckets to fill with discovery and blessings.
It provides face-to-face time for our family.
It’s a way I can reinforce what we learn in church.
It has stood the test of time as a practice for spiritual formation.
It is something for them to fall back on. When life goes pear-shaped, there will be something in their mind, like money in the bank, on which to draw.
How can we fit Catechisms into our family life?
For us, there are two ways I see it working.
As part of our morning routine. Our children are all at primary school, and we have breakfast at the same time, around four times each week. Could I do something there?
Linked to church. We go to a small church, and the Sunday School consists of three families. Could I suggest we cover a Catechism there and then reinforce it at home?
You will have other options here, perhaps at bedtime? before movie night? or after church on Sunday? I’m going to give the mornings a go.
Oh, and I need to talk to my wife about this – always a good idea! I’ll do that tonight!
What do we need to start?
I love the idea of coming up with a few questions for younger children. Pete had four basic questions for his two-year-old:
Who made you? God
What else did God make? All things
Why did God make you and all things? For His glory
Who is Jesus? He’s the king
This is class! But to start, I think I’ll use a resource. I’ve bought a New City Catechism and the Shorter Catechism of the Westminister confession of faith. (Put me out a tenner!) Having flicked through both, I’m going to use the New City Catechism, do a question a week and see how it goes.
Bio: Andy Lamberton goes to the same church his parents, grandparents and great-grandparents went to. Married to Debbie, they are raising their four children in Donegal with ice-pops for dessert most days. Author of Letters for Exiles: Faithful Living in a Faithless World and director of Legacy, a ministry for fathers from Exodus.
– Did you enjoy the podcast? Please share with other fathers you know.
We need to apologise for the audio quality of this episode. The mic settings were off, and we were in the wrong type of room. Forgive us – we’re still learning how to do this! This is no reflection on the content, Sam has nuggets of gold!
In this episode, we’re talking with Sam Balmer from Bible Education Services (PBS) about having fun as a family and teaching our children the Bible. In his reflection article, Stephen thinks more about the first of these things: playing with your children.
There’s a phrase that Sam uses in the middle of this conversation that neatly ties together the big theme: ‘you need to do two things with your family: we need to play with them and we need to pray with them.’
Fun matters in faith formation.
As dads, we can feel the weight of the world on our shoulders. We can fear where society is heading and what kind of world our children will have to navigate. And sometimes we bear the strain of too much work on too little sleep. One consequence of all this is that we can lose our joy. Another consequence, from our children’s perspective, is that the spirit of fun disappears from our home.
What a shame.
Of all places, the Christian home ought to be full of joy. As Sam says in the episode, “God is no kill-joy. He has given mankind every good thing to enjoy (1 Timothy 6:17) and appointed times for laughter and dancing (Ecclesiastes 3:4).”
When my son was born, a friend said this: ‘When I hear a baby laugh, I remember that we’re made for joy.’ I love that. Laughter, dancing, fun and games – these are all good gifts from God that we can enjoy with a full heart.
Play to the glory of God.
I love to view the Christian home as a little outpost of God’s kingdom – somewhere our children get to experience life lived in God’s way. God’s righteousness, peace and joy should be literally felt in our homes. Even play is elevated by faith. When our children see us happy to play with them and to give of our time without a grudge, and without sideglancing at our phones, they learn something about the good God we worship.
As Christian fathers, we can also show our children how to laugh and play to the glory of God. Certain things will not be welcome in our homes. But with every ‘no’, there should be a ‘yes’ to something better. We can show our children the goodness and richness of true friendship, clean fun and simple play.
To apply a quote from our episode: our kids should learn first-hand through their life at home that ‘you never miss out when you choose to follow Jesus.’
If we don’t play with our children, they will look for fun elsewhere. And we all know where that will lead. There is plenty on offer in this old world of ours – a corrupted kind of fun that neither honours God nor benefits our children.
Therefore, as we raise our children – teaching them about God, praying for their souls, preparing them for the world – let’s not forget the opportunity and gift of play.
How play benefits our children
When children play, they learn. It’s been amazing to watch how play has been a perfect learning environment for my three-year-old son to develop his language, learn basic maths and solve problems. There is a lot of research out there that advocates all kinds of play:
Some examples spring to mind:
Open play – consider the virtues of Lego in this 2010 study.
Unsupervised play – e.g. this 2023 article by Jonathan Haidt
Outdoor play – both body and mind benefit from an adventure in the woods (see this article)
Another kind of play needs to be prioritised: let’s call it father play. Dads, we need to play with our children for at least two reasons. First, it is one of the clearest ways to show our children we genuinely love them. Second, it is one of the best ways to build a bond with our sons and daughters.
The more we play with our children, the more trust and affection is built – and that is the foundation for everything else. Playfulness leads to openness. When our children see us wholeheartedly share in their laughter and dances, they will more readily trust us with their tears and concerns.
By Stephen Mullan Cohost of the Legacy Podcast.
Bio: Stephen directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
– Did you enjoy the podcast? Please share with other fathers you know and tell us what you think. Email: hello@legacyfathers.org
In this episode, we’re discussing something every father can relate to: navigating busyness. Thanks to Austin Mackintosh for joining us on Legacy Podcast.
I remember reading the viral blog post by Tim Urban, The Tail End, where he estimated by the time he had graduated from high school, he had already used up 93% of his in-person parent time. 93%. Time flies in family life. We need to ensure we don’t miss out on the joy and opportunity of being there, as our children unfold into adults. Because as every older parent will tell you: “before you know it, it’s past”.
How do we start?
We might not have as flexible a job as Austin, but we can follow his example in taking the initiative and making changes to our day for the good of our family. For Austin, that looks like an early home-time, to ensure he is present from 4 to 7 each night. With six children, his wife values that intentionality. And I reckon his children do too!
Some of us do work too much. But what is untrue is less time at work automatically means more time with family. It’s easy to blame our jobs as the barrier to family life when it’s our attention we need to bring under control. If you had a hard-working father – praise God for him. We need to be men who provide for our families and demonstrate how to be industrial, enact real change and add value to the world through our jobs, but our work does need to be put into perspective. List what’s important in your life, and I guarantee your family come before your work, yet ask yourself: does my calendar reflect this? When I look at my life, I know I can give my family more time or certainly more of my attention. Can you?
What can we do?
Andy says in this episode, “Small things can make a big difference”
Here are some ideas to get the ball rolling: Could you …
be ‘king of the morning’, so your wife has time to get ready for her day
negotiate with your boss to work four long days with a half day on Friday
guard your work calendar so that you are home for family meals on time
be intentional about family time on Saturdays and school holidays
put your phone in a box by the door when you get home
mute work chat during meals
talk to your wife about your work schedule
Do we need a perspective shift on how we view time?
Above all, we need to keep our use of time before God. As men, there is a temptation to become either wasters or workaholics. Instead, may we learn to see each day as an opportunity to worship.
“Instead of entering your day with a schedule, enter it as an act of worship. God, not time, will become your governing focus. Included in your worship will be all the tasks you have to do that day, but you’ll be doing them to God. Indeed, you’ll be doing them for God.”
I find this so helpful. With time management, we do not need more productivity courses. We need more worship.
When we are captivated by God’s glory, we begin to see life with new eyes. Our relationships become more precious. Our work is put into perspective. The big things of this world become insignificant. And the little, hidden things – like a family meal – become infinitely valuable.
By Stephen Mullan Cohost of the Legacy Podcast.
Bio: Stephen directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
– Did you enjoy the podcast? Please share with other fathers you know and tell us what you think. Email: hello@legacyfathers.org
“We can’t prepare our kids for every eventuality. So much about fatherhood is unexpected. There will be challenges our children encounter that we simply can’t forecast. But then again, the job is to be a good parent, not a good prophet.”
Join co-hosts Andy Lamberton and Stephen Mullan as they chat with David Smyth and Dawn McAvoy from Evangelical Alliance and Both Lives Matter.
Fathers and the Unexpected – Article by Stephen Mullan.
We’re back with another episode from the Legacy Podcast. I found this to be another really helpful conversation that gets into all sorts of important topics. Thanks to David Smyth and Dawn McIvoy from Evangelical Alliance for being great contributors.
On the back of the conversation, I’ve been thinking that we can’t prepare our kids for every eventuality. So much about fatherhood is unexpected. There will be challenges our children encounter that we simply can’t forecast. But then again, the job is to be a good parent, not a good prophet.
Stories prepare our children for the unexpected
One way we can give our children the resources they need for the unknowable future is through telling stories.
In the podcast, David points to storytelling as a way to prepare our kids for whatever lies ahead. I’ve thought about this before, but only in terms of reading good books to my own children. I’m excited to pass on the old tales and fables, as well as the modern classics like Narnia and Lord of the Rings. What I hadn’t thought about before was the value of my own stories or the tales from my family. I appreciate David’s encouragement to tell more of these to my children.
Stories help prepare children for the unknown.
When we tell good stories:
We introduce our children to role models and heroes to imitate.
We fill their imagination with visions of a good life.
We teach them to take a long view – it takes a journey and many obstacles to reach our goals and to become who we’re made to be.
We connect their individual life to something larger than themselves.
We inspire them to stand for good and to fight against evil.
Crucially, stories shape our children’s sense of identity and purpose – two realities that will hold them as they navigate the future.
Where do we start all of this?
First, let’s embrace our job as storytellers. Let’s find good stories and tell them often. That might mean asking for recommendations and spending some money. But while I will definitely be buying more books, my major take-away from our conversation with David is that my children need to hear more stories from my own life and my parents’ and grandparents’ lives.
When the unexpected happens, say something certain
As time passes by, our children will inevitably experience the unexpected.
In the second part of our podcast conversation, Dawn talked in depth about one significant example – unplanned pregnancy. But there are many other examples. The point that struck me, however, was the power of a father to give his children hope through how he responds to the unexpected.
In Dawn’s own case, the response of her dad gave her the support she needed during an unplanned pregnancy. The certainty that her dad was going to be part of her circle of support made all the difference and encouraged her to move forward as a young mum.
Sadly, when men don’t give this kind of support to their partner or daughter, the likelihood of abortion skyrockets. As Dawn puts it: “among women who terminate their pregnancy, 82% are single … the lack of support persuades them to terminate the pregnancy.”
This is a message dads don’t hear enough: our words matter – and they especially matter during times of unplanned crisis. When we look our children in the eye and assure them of our full support, regardless of the mess and pain that must be faced, we fill them with hope and give them confidence to move forward. We guarantee them that however difficult the next few steps will be, they can count on Dad to be on their side.
Practically, that means we need to be ready to speak to our children with certainty. One word Andy Lamberton encourages dads to use more often is ‘always’. I like that advice.
“You can always come talk to me.”
“I’ll always be here for you.”
“I will always love you.”
Said with sincerity, words like these can be the lifeline that gets our children through the challenge.
Did you enjoy the podcast? please share with other fathers you know and tell us what you think. Email: hello@legacyfathers.org
By Stephen Mullan Cohost of the Legacy Podcast.
Bio: Stephen directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
In our second episode of the Legacy Podcast, Graeme Thompson talks about how dads can move forward from failure. It’s a hope-filled episode that I hope you enjoy as much as I did.
Failure comes in all sorts of flavours. As dads, we all know where we’ve personally messed up – whether we’ve not been present or yelled too much or been too passive. Despite the best of intentions, we can soon find ourselves fumbling our way through fatherhood. As Christians, however, failure is not final. We serve a God of grace who gives second and third and fourth chances. Read Nehemiah 9, if you need a reminder. After a long account of the repeated failures of Israel, we get this gem in verse 31:
“Nevertheless, in your great mercies you did not make an end of them or forsake them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.” Nehemiah 9:31
Confidence in God’s goodness needs to be at the foundation of our fatherhood journey. His grace makes progress and recovery possible. But we also need to take responsibility for our family’s situation and work to make things better.
One of things I appreciated most about this episode was how Graeme encouraged dads to zoom out of the present situation to see fatherhood as a long journey – or as he put it, as one long conversation. Like a marathon race or a mountain trek, the key to getting to the finish is about taking the next step.
‘Take one step forward’
My favourite phrase in the conversation with Graeme is this: ‘There’s always a step you can take.’ It is incredibly practical. No matter how messy things have got, there is hope and there is a step forward available. It might just involve some thought and prayer.
Family life won’t be transformed overnight but tomorrow can be better. Graeme encourages failing dads to cast a vision for the short-term. Where do you want your family to be in a month? in a year?
What shift do you want to see? What atmosphere do you want to cultivate? What kind of relationships do you want to have?
With this vision in mind, start with one small step forward.
This might mean a small change to your morning routine – “I’m going to wake 30 mins before everyone else to pray for my kids.” It might mean a small change to your week’s priorities – “I’m going to block in family time.” It might mean a small change to how you speak or listen – “I’m going to ask about the children’s day before I talk about my own day.” It might mean a difficult but long-overdue conversation; it might mean you turn up for the first time in a long time; it might mean the courage to finally say, ‘I’m sorry’.
Whatever it is, let’s commit to taking one step forward this week.
A final point worth stressing is that we aren’t meant to do this fatherhood journey alone. Friendship is often the first thing guys sacrifice when family life gets busy. But we need the support of friends – we need a band of brothers. Men tend to isolate themselves. We focus on work and family: the former with structure and intentionality and the latter lacking. Friends remind us of what’s important and often point out the obvious.
Graeme encourages us to invite old friends back into our lives – or to reach out and find some new ones. We desperately need their encouragement for the long journey of fatherhood. As Christian fathers, we need the Body of Christ. We need their prayers as we fumble and fail and try to take the next step forward.
Did you enjoy the podcast? please share with other fathers you know and tell us what you think. Email: hello@legacyfathers.org
By Stephen Mullan Cohost of the Legacy Podcast.
Bio: Stephen directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
Why We Need Fathers – Reflection Article by Stephen Mullan.
In our first episode of the Legacy Podcast, Spud Murphy shares about why we need fathers, and why fathers need each other. As I listen back, his thoughts on the significance of fathers and the power of a father’s words carry fresh weight.
Batman: Bruce Wayne’s parents were murdered when he was just a child, leaving him without a father.
Spider-Man: Peter Parker’s father, Richard Parker, was a scientist who died in a plane crash when Peter was still a child. He was raised by his aunt.
Superman: his father Jor-El dies early on in the story, leaving Clark Kent to be raised by the Kent family on Earth.
One of the things that most superheroes share is fatherlessness
While unstable families make for more dramatic stories, the result can be that ordinary dads who want to leave a legacy in their kids’ lives are not celebrated as they ought to be.
Dads really matter
Fatherlessness is a big problem in society. The research is clear: when dad is absent, boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens.
While progressives can often question the necessity of a father, traditionalists can often limit his role to ‘bread-winner’. However, a biblical understanding of fatherhood not only affirms the vital role of a dad but also points to a work that is more than simply bringing in the money. I like how Spud summed up a father’s role in three Ps.
A father’s role is to:
provide
promote (or encourage)
protect
So, where to start? In a society where too many dads have gone missing from action, one of the main things a father can do is to simply show up! That simple commitment to being present in our children’s lives is one the biggest gifts we can give them.
A father’s voice really matters
Fatherhood, obviously, is more than just showing up. One of the things that Spud describes so well is the power of a dad’s voice. Our words carry weight and they are desperately needed. Right at the heart of the teen mental health crisis is the anxious search for identity and significance. This is something that father’s can directly speak into. And we should. As the world questions everything about who we are, a dad’s voice can give their child’s sense of self a solid foundation in the midst of so much confusion. As Christians, we need look no further than the example of the Father’s words to His Son, “this is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased”. Before He had achieved anything in public Jesus Christ knew His Father’s approval. And during the years of not only fame but also rejection, He walked with the complete assurance of His Father’s love. It’s possible for our own kids to walk out into the world with a similar confidence that they are loved and significant – but that starts with us finding our voice as dads and speaking truthful, loving words into our children’s hearts.
By Stephen Mullan Cohost of the Legacy Podcast.
Bio: Stephen directs the work of Dreamscheme Northern Ireland, a youth work charity that provides support and opportunities to young people growing up in housing estates. He also writes on the subject of youth via his newsletter Rethinking Youth. Stephen is married to Sharon and has two young children.
